In a world where religious institutions are visibly declining and doubt is often hidden, what happens when a pastor admits he's struggling with his own faith? I recently interviewed John Hamilton, author of "Honest to God," who took nearly a decade to craft a memoir about his spiritual journey from rock musician to pastor – and the profound questions he encountered along the way.
Hamilton's story isn't just about religion – it's about what happens when the identity you've built collapses and you're forced to reinvent yourself in the wilderness that follows.
My conversation with John uncovered some fascinating insights about faith, doubt, and finding meaning in life's unexpected transitions:
The power of transcendence: Hamilton describes how music first taught him to experience something beyond himself – "Time disappeared. Often I disappeared so completely that when I came back, I wondered where I had been." These moments of losing oneself became the foundation of his spiritual understanding.
The permission to doubt: Even as a pastor, Hamilton struggled with questions of faith that he couldn't share from the pulpit. His book aims to normalize this experience, showing that even spiritual leaders face uncertainty.
The 180° life pivot: After panic disorder suddenly ended his music career, Hamilton had to completely reinvent himself in his 30s – a profound transition that many readers will recognize from their own lives.
The death of institutions: Hamilton notes we're witnessing the collapse of traditional Christianity and other major institutions. "We're nearing the end of one way of doing things... we're kind of in the wilderness trying to figure out what the next move is going to be."
The back door ministry: Despite his theological education, Hamilton discovered the heart of spiritual work happens not in doctrinal debates but in simple human connection: "Those are the people you really have to take care of... people who were happy just because you would take the time to have a conversation with them."
What struck me most was his revelation about God after years of ministry. As Hamilton explains: "I really believe that God is unknowable... That is not atheism. That is simply my admission that I am a fragile human whose brain just cannot comprehend the immensity of what God is."
This interview captures something profound about our current moment – as traditional structures crumble around us, how do we find meaning and connection in the wilderness that follows? Hamilton's journey offers a roadmap of honesty and hope.
Watch the full interview to hear John's complete journey from rock clubs to the pulpit, and his powerful insights about spiritual rebirth during times of personal and cultural collapse.
P.S. Hamilton is currently working on a new book titled "The Weight of Snow" exploring how memory changes under the weight of time and circumstance – plus a fascinating Substack series called "Dance Steps for the Apocalypse" examining how social media hijacks our spiritual impulses. Follow his work to join this important conversation.
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